About the Book
Here's a snapshot of what you'll discover...
Chapter One: Don't Sleep
Your Way to the Middle
Lie. That’s right. Don’t lie to other people, just lie to yourself. Now, there are some drawbacks to this approach, but I won’t kid you…it has always sort of worked out for me. This approach will make the staunchly honest, and highly educated person, well, nervous. But if you tell yourself something long enough, guess what happens? You start to believe it.
Chapter Nine: Don't Believe
the Lies Brown Liquor
Tells You
I know, the biggest lies come wrapped in the prettiest packages. I’ve been there. I’ve also been on the bathroom floor, not only the next morning, but sometimes while out with friends, supposedly “enjoying” my liquor. Those are nights when unforgettable memories are forged. On the verge of passing out, while on the toilet (literally), pants on the ground, upper body blocking the stall door, whimpering to a co-worker to help you. Now that is one pretty picture, am I right?
Chapter Four: Don't Leave
Your Underwear Behind
Once, when I was a young, adventurous person in the 90s, I ended up going home with some guy after a night of drinking far too much brown liquor. I think a friend of mine came along too, but only because we drove together. Anyway, when I woke up in the closet, with a Dirt Devil sticking in my back, I realized that I not only had no idea where I was, I had no idea where my underwear were. Gasp.
Chapter Eleven: Don't Make
Eye Contact
With the Neighbors
There is nothing sexy about a terry cloth bathrobe, I think the world agrees. When you’re going to be getting sexed up, I think the preferred wardrobe is silky or maybe nothing at all. But here she was in her terry cloth robe and that didn’t raise my suspicions. I knew she was a mom and assumed her kid was home. Oops.
This charmingly snarky, silly novella is filled with valuable life lessons and directives like:
- DON’T SLEEP YOUR WAY TO THE TOP: LIE TO THE MIDDLE
- DON’T BELIEVE IN “HAPPILY EVER AFTER”
- DON’T LEAVE YOUR UNDERWEAR BEHIND
- DON’T TAKE YOUR EYES OFF YOUR DRINK (OR HANDS OFF MY ASS)
- DON’T HOLD ONTO PAST RELATIONSHIPS: OR EXPIRED FOOD
- DON’T BELIEVE THE LIES BROWN LIQUOR TELLS YOU
- DON’T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN
…and even more valuable vignettes!
If you want a quick escape from the pressures of every day life,
grab your copy of “DON’T BLAME ME” and buckle up, Buttercup!